We’ve got a live one from the land of amazing news stories! A Florida man called the police and turned himself in for illegally growing marijuana in one of the best cases of unfounded paranoia to date.
Jasper Harrison, 47, heard a helicopter flying near his storage unit-cum-grow space around noon Wednesday and deduced the jig was up. He decided he’d rather call the local police and turn himself in than risk being shot by them in what was clearly a major sting armed and ready to take him out.
That the helicopter was not related to police—it belonged to a local news channel—and that Harrison wasn’t even a blip on authorities' rhetorical radar did not present itself as a possibility in our grower’s highly deductive mind. Harrison called Edgewater Police and told the dispatcher he wanted to speak with officers before they shot him on sight.
“I’m the guy they’re looking for,” Harrison told the confused dispatcher, who had the mind to just, you know, go with it.
Harrison directed police to his storage unit, admitting full ownership of the 150 grams of weed and the nine plants growing inside. He now faces charges of growing marijuana within 1,000 feet of a school and intent to sell—along with plenty of ridicule for being his own snitch, I’m sure.